I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
