Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
