...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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