yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
She said her name was "party"
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
