What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
