The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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