He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
At least life still wants to fuck me.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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