Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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