Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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