CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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