she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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