I seem to have left my pride at pride
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
