I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
