I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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