I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
