Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
