at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
