that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
