Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
