he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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