I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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