please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
