whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I can't put those talents on a resume
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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