So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
