he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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