She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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