If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
