Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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