this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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