Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
