dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
please come you make the beer taste better
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
