just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
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