his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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