Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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