theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
