oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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