Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
