you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Randomize
