i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize