i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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