Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
