You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
