guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
there was a trapeze. enough said
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I enjoy the company of your penis
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
