Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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