she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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