I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
