fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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