i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
