if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
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