ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
