I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
