We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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