You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
where are my eyebrows?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
