so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
