"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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