What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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