Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
