We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
