he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I queefed so loud it echoed.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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