dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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