someone get that fucking seahorse.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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