i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
