i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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