My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
