I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
