somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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