I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
