My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
