Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
