He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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