I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
