i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
