if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
