omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
