I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize