We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
