Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
