I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Randomize
